Never Shaken Off

Burdens you might take for granted
versions we accept as true
words unspoken still they echo
in places that you never knew

Playing out the cards I’m handed
watching what we say or do
free to call but always stranded
keeping distance safe for you

Even to this day the payment
once offended always lost
silent as the course is taken
you may not percieve the cost

Lost upon one frantic misfire
only one turn at the game
after that it’s academic
where one ought to lay the blame

Be the silence you’re construing
motions that I never sought
Be the silence my undoing
some things never shaken off

Even to this day the payment
once offended always lost
silent as the course is taken
you may not percieve the cost

Meetings rehearsed in a dreamscape
shape the time and paint the word
calling out fictitious memories
times that never have occured

Things they have a way of changing
with no way to set them back
questions never really answered
too late to debate the facts

Even to this day the payment
once offended always lost
by the fear the dream is taken
even now to pay the cost
words unspoken still they echo
move me through this sense of loss
silent as the course is taken
visions never shaken off

This was probably the riskiest song I ever wrote, for I really didn't know how it would be taken. It was about a failed relationship (long before I met Ann), and the regret that I carried for so long because my own silence had caused it. You know how it goes: not having the words to say get's you in trouble, and then not having the words to say prevents you from working it out. She never knew what I went through because I never said a word. I died inside, and had myself to blame.

So, was this song an exercise in self-pity? At the time I wrote it, perhaps it was. But I kept it anyway, and managed to record it with 8-tracks, because it held an important object lesson. Turns out that a lot of us do the exact same thing, even in our marriages. I've done it with Ann. We get into this emotional paralysis, where we know the healing words we ought to say, and yet we just won't say them. But we need to, and we need to do it soon. The longer we wait, the more we choke the life out of the relationships (and marriages) God has given us. In the end, we pay a terrible price for our inaction. That is the point of this song: make things right today, speak those words now, or risk these consequences.